20 Bears

Thursday, January 28, 2010

It's Become So Clear, What I Must Do...

I've been away for a week. Doing what, you ask? Eating hot pockets Sitting in a chair comprised entirely of Saber Tooth Tiger skulls thinking. Thinking HARD. And finally, as if sent from the insane, twelve eyed alien beings from a dimension darker and more terrifying than our own that the zealots would have you call angels, I realized what I must do.

I must spread the word. It is my duty, no, my SUPREME HONOR to inform the droves of uneducated in the way of 20 bears.

I will write the best and longest book ever written.

Here goes:


Once, there was this guy. He was awesome. Not as awesome as dinosaurs, but he was so freaking cool that just by looking at Great White sharks he could make them turn into your mom Humpback whales. Anyway, he left the planet in a rocket he built with his dad, cause his dad loves him unlike JUST like my dad. His mission? Find the m**ther f**cking dinosaurs! You know they're out there! I'm not crazy, I'm visionary!

To be continued...

Friday, January 22, 2010

20 bears could tear down the Na'Vi tree of life. With their growls.

Yeah that was an Avatar reference, because I'm awesome like that. And also smart good looking.

Has anyone actually seen that movie? Cause on the real, everybody at the park pretends like they don't know what's up when I paint myself blue and shoot arrows at non-hybrid cars that pass by.

Once Upon A Time

Once upon a time, there lived a man. He did stuff. Then he died, but he was happy anyway.

THE END

Simple stories are often the best ones. I'm just sayin.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Hey they're flying your flag.

My cell phone broke.
My ipod broke.
Simultaneously.
Then, as if to mock my plight, a rainbow appeared overhead, glorious and radiant.
I'm talking the clearest, most upside down color-smile I've ever seen.
So I'm staring at this rainbow, and it seems to be saying, "Hey, it's okay that your cell phone and ipod broke. I'm here now, and I'm going to remind you that life is great and beautiful and everything will be fine in the end no matter how glum things look."

F**k you, rainbow.

You gonna pay the activation fee?

12. 20 bears could devour a rainbow and poop out terror the likes of which mankind has never seen with tempests tossing aside cities to the sea while volcanoes bury what little is left after the pitiful human resistance is mauled into oblivion by an all-blinding curtain of claw and fang a RAGEbow.

Monday, January 18, 2010

The Awesomes

Q: "Hey, how come you like dinosaurs so much?"


A: Because dinosaurs, along with black holes, robots, and viking hats belong in a subcategory of the collective human conscience known only as THE AWESOMES.

Next question.

Q: "You got any more things that 20 bears can do?"

A: You bet I do.

11. 20 bears could have taught Helen Keller how to speak bear.

That's all you get. And be thankful you got as much as you did. I'm out of here I have to go cry in my room work out.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Okay, so I was out today with some friends and they informed me that they were all too busy having lives being stupid and lazy to add to my amazing 20 bears list.

Well, that's not a problem. I got it.

8. 20 bears can find Carmen San Diego.

9. 20 bears lost AND found Atlantis.



10. THE 20 BEAR GET RICH QUICK SCHEME:

Step 1--Find 20 bears.
Step 2--You're rich.


Thursday, January 14, 2010

20 Things That 20 Bears Can Do.

I'll start. There's no way I'm spending my time listing 20 things 20 bears can do by myself. I have much more important things to do, like seek my father's approval make out with girls.


1. 20 bears can successfully bring down a Tyrannosaurus Rex in a cage.

2. 20 bears can form a bear bridge across a moderately sized river (or a mad fat creek).

3. 20 bears can win the Super Bowl

4. 20 bears could have saved the Titanic.

5. 20 bears can time travel.

6. 20 bears DID save the Titanic (check your history book)

7. 20 bears can outnumber 19 bears.

Ok, your turn, people who aren't busy living a lie like me giving the ladies what they need.

I wish holding up a pack of MENTOS solved every problem

I have a story up online as part of a competition right here: http://clarityofnight.blogspot.com/2010/01/entry-203.html

You should look at it as well as the other entries, and then tell me I should give up.