20 Bears

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

I Needed To Search For Something...

So after the last two chapters of the longest and greatest story ever told, I realized I had successfully depleted my entire reserve of dignity inspiration. Well, that just wasn't part of the plan, so I ask this guy in an alley my friend what I should do. He says to me, he says, "Go to Europe." So I says, "OK."

So here I am.

In England, to be precise. London to be preciser.

And you know what I found out?

England is waaaaaay ahead of the curve. Why? Let me explain: Turns out, England, along with most of Europe, has already abondoned the metric system in favor of a much more comprehensive, as well as AWESOME measurement: the Bear.

In Europe a plane travels one thousand bears per hour.

In Europe, I weigh .05 bears.

In Europe, it is .36 bear degrees out and partially cloudy.

Come on, planet Earth, hurry up! Don't let these tea-drinking, scarf-wearing buggers (I learned a new word) beat you to the bear punch! Hurry up and figure it out!

That is all. End of international transmission.

I'll be back in 43,000 bears. (that means a few days in 20BEARStown, which is the official new name of London, according to me.)