20 Bears

Friday, September 17, 2010

A month later...

After a month, I finally escaped from my tethers. How, you might ask? Well, since it's far too late for you or your pathetic friends to stop me, I'll tell you. See, I realized early on my captor's weakness--he kept me alive. That wasn't a weakness in itself, necessarily, but he DID provide me with a plastic utensil and told me that I knew what to do. Well, joke's on him, I used that plastic shard of freedom and SAWED my own leg off! Then I dragged myself, lightheaded and dying...

...wait. That was a movie I saw once. Oh crap. I did that movies-I-saw-real-life-mix-up thing again. Does that mean there isn't a park full of cloned dinosaurs I visited? Where did I get that hat, then? And why does it burn so bad when I pee?

Maybe it was that night where my memory got all fuzzy. But the guy buying me drinks was so nice. He said he liked my TMNT shirt and had sixlets in his car!

Either way, point is I'm home now, which means my father's basement, where I can hear his disappointment from my bed at night. Which brings me to my next question: can disappointment make you break out? Cause I'm getting these little red lumps all over my legs that itch real bad.

Anyhow, now that I'm back, the first order of business is to find a job (according to my father). Well, I told him where he could stick that! Eww, no you perv! I meant in my Easy-Bake-Oven, duh! I finally revealed to my father what I'm going to be: THE GREATEST AND MOST CRITICALLY RESPECTED STORY TELLER WRITING GUY IN THE WOOOOORRRRLLLD!!!

How do I do that? I have a plan! I'm going to find writerly people and ASK THEM QUESTIONS. Like, how do you tell stories for $$$$$$$$$ cause that's all that really matters anyway. Answers: coming soon.

In the meantime, if you see a dinosaur--DON'T TOUCH HIM I SAW HIM FIRST!

Oh, and if you're a sentence builder, I HAVE QUESTIONS FOR YOU! And sixlets in my car.

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